Always Love Her
by mAd4H-p
Summary: Severus Snape's thoughts after Lily Evans dies. DH spoilers.One Shot


Disclaimer: Seriously, if I was JKRowling why would I be posting on here, I could publish it! So yeah these characters arent mine.

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It was one of the most miserable days people had seen for years. But Severus Snape had bigger problems to worry about than the weather. Two weeks ago the love of his life had been murdered and it was he who had partly caused it. He was making his way back to his home at Spinners End when out of the corner of his eye he noticed a park.

He hadn't been here for many years, it didn't seem right to be here now. Because _she_ wasn't there. Lily Evans. He still didn't want to believe she was dead. He had even secretly been to her funeral and seen her buried. He had seen her pretty face for the last time before the coffin was closed. She looked so delicate lying there. And then he had had to listen to people who didn't know her like he did going on about how much she would be missed.

He hadn't cried at her funeral, he had been so sad that he was beyond crying. He was just numb. He had cried for her right after he had found out about her death. He had cried for three days strait then.

Dumbledore had been the one who told him. If he hadn't been so depressed at the time he would have been furious with the old man for not doing as he had promised, which had been to protect Lily and her son…and her husband.

Just thinking of her husband caused fierce anger to course through him. He had never met anyone more arrogant or more of a cowardly bully than James Potter. He and Lily used to chatter about horrible punishments for him every time he bullied Severus. It had been his fault they had never remained friends, he had been the one who caused him to say "mudblood".

It was also partly James Potters' fault they were dead in Severus' opinion, Dumbledore had told him that he had insisted in using Sirius Black-also a name that angered Severus- as their secret keeper, and if he had still been friends with Lily he was sure he could have convinced her to use Dumbledore as their secret keeper. Although if they had remained friend there might not have been any need for them to have a secret keeper as she might have married him and not her husband.

He wished that he had told her what he had wanted to say for years the night after he had called her 'mudblood'. How hard would it have been to say three little words? I love you. He had thought over what might have happened if he had told her. She would ether have said she loved him too and ran into his arms or told him that she had never felt about him that way. Neither made him feel any better.

He sat down on the wet swing and found himself lost in memories about when he had seen her for the first time…they had only been nine at the time, he hadn't known it when he was that young but he'd later realised he had loved her even then. He had watched her and her sister on the roundabout, her long red hair blowing in the wind and her green eyes glittering with laughter. Oh those eyes…He wished they could have been the last thing he saw before he died.

A few weeks later he had plucked up the nerve to go up to her and tell her that she was a witch. Her reply had been that that wasn't nice to say to someone-if only they had known what he would call her a few years from then- they had laughed about it later, she had always been one of the few people he could laugh with. There had been Mulciber and Avery but he had laughs with them at the expense of other students-mainly her future husband and his friends-with her it had always been about daft little things that you look back on later and wonder what was so funny.

Severus wished that she was with him now; he wished he had been able to tell her how he had felt about her, he might not be here right now, he might be at home cuddled up on the sofa with her maybe sharing kisses and maybe they might even have a baby on the way.

He had promised Dumbledore that he would look after Lily's son. For Lily. However if he looked a lot like his father he didn't know whether he would be able to stand him. He had been told her son had her eyes, her son had inherited her best feature, he would most likely be as arrogant as his father when he came to Hogwarts and finds himself famous, thought Severus bitterly, he didn't deserve to look like her in any way.

She was never coming back. He had realised that. He wished he was dead, because even if she hated him in death he could still see her. Severus knew that no matter how much time went by he would love her… Always

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Soooo... did you hate it, like it? Review please I would like to know

Please be nice I dont post that much of my fan fiction.


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